Employees

The Brain of a Lebanese Man

Driving Habits -

One hand on wheel, one hand out of window: Chicago.One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York.One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cell phone, one ear listening to loud music, foot on accelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversation with someone in next car: Welcome to Lebanon!

Some Lebanese are fake, that is how to be one of them ;-)

Must have a 2002 model car, not any car, but BMWs, Mercedes, Jags, Porsche... amongst others.
Go to the movies on Mondays or Wednesdays, we pay 5000 LP on those days, we economize 5000 LP ($3.5) that we add to the $150 to go to Alecco's or Mandaloun on weekends!
If you cannot make it to Paris, shopping in Kaslik or Verdun is a must, even if you go to Akil Bros.!!
Faraya or Fakra in Winter time and ATCL or Riviera in Summer time, you do not have to now how to ski you can always do the "bronzage" (Tan); swimming is out of the records too....who will look at you if you look like wet rat?? Finally, make sure you change 6 outfits and 5 bathing suits during the day.
A mobile is essential, having two cell lines will boost your moral too... preferably and in order to be more civilized and well rounded, buy a "Clic or Premiere" in order to be connected internationally!
Silicon your tits, lips and behind.... If you did not get a nose job yet?? Yiii....where the hell do you live? you're not civilized and up to fashion get out of here!
Forget about McDonald's now, the King of Burgers is in town!!! "Burger King"! Always follow the crowd, wherever they go you follow even if you have to stand in long lines.
Do not buy "Snob", "Mondanite", "Special", "Prestige" ..read them at the "Monot" or "Casper & Gambini"!The atmosphere there is very intellectual especially if you are wearing Armani, Prada, Escada or Faconnable...
You have to use only one word in Arabic in each sentence, just to make you feel safe that after all you are a Phoenician NOT an Arab!!!
Forget about the local TV networks. You have to have all the cable channels on your TV set, including EROS and Polsat...
Do not drink coffee or Nescafe at home (Very Boring)....go to "Cafe Najjar", "StarBucks" or any cafe... for your convenience, we have one at the end of each street, where you can enjoy being stared at and staring at other people.
Once in your life date at least a Russian,Ukrainian or a Romanian girl. You will find them in our "Little Russia" sector or Maameltein.
Be a SNOB, IGNORE PEOPLE, BE AGGRESSIVE......The more arrogant and snobbish the classier and better.
Last but not least, always judge people by how much money they have or more precisely, how much his/her family is worth

You have to be 100 % Lebanese to understand this story.

From some 2 months 3,I recognized a girl in the tooth of the elephant.
She was other look and like the moon! Burn her religion what beautiful. I tried to touch her pulse to see if there is space and it appeared that she is interested.
The first day I talked her on the phone and the second day she invited me on the lunch.
I asked her "what she kitchenized?",she said "some of his mother’s yoghurt on the walking". I liked her project and before I arrived to her ,I went to the Milker and bought some lady’s arms and some "eat and say thank you".
She opened me the door and when she saw the handsome in my hands she said "yiiiiiii! Your hands be safe, why torture yourself my uncle?.
While we are eating ,rang the doorbell. She opened the door and entered her old boyfriend. He asked her "who is he?", she said "not your entry".
I knew straight he wanted to problemize it.
He said "my eye on you and on him,I will count god not create you!" .
I said "look,my head does not carry me , break the evil before the gypsy milk goes up huh! Go page the sea and bleach from my face now!"
The man felt on his blood and left the room . in the truth ,he poisoned my body very much, but the girl gave breakfast to my nerves. She said "don’t carry worry, my life don’t carry worry, put your hands in cpld water".
I told her "like my foot,don’t get a mind,tell me,are you empty tonight?"she said "yes,I emptify myself for you?.
I told her "thank you my love, you are very digestable".

Just a Joke

On the sixth day, God turned to the Angels and said: "Today, I am going to create a land called Lebanon, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of snow, beautiful sparkling lakes cutting forests full of all kinds of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Lebanese, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on earth." "But Lord", asked the Angels, "don't you think you are being toogenerous to the Lebanese? "Not really", replied God, "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them!"

FIVE (5) DON'Ts WHILE SLEEPING

Don't' Sleep with Watch:
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

Don't Sleep with Bra:
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

Don't Sleep with Phone:
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical itemsincluding mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.

Don't Sleep with Make-Up:
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

Don't Sleep with Other's Wife/Husband:
'Coz you may never wake up again.

Hey Lebanese Hang in There!!!

Consider these amazing facts about Lebanon taking into consideration the tiny dimensions of Lebanon:

• 17 Religious communitites
• 40 Daily newspapers
• 42 Universities
• Over 100 Banks
• 70% of the students are in private schools
• There's 1 doctor/10 people. (In Europe & the US, there's 1doctor/100 people)
• The name "Lebanon" appears 75 times in the old testament!
• The name "Cedar" appears 75 times in the old testament!
• Beirut was destroyed and rebuilt 7 times. (This is why it'scompared to the Phoenix)
• There are 3,500,000 Lebanese in Lebanon.
• There are 15,630,000 Lebanese outside Lebanon.
• The country was occupied by: Assyrians - Babylonians -Byzantines- Persians- Pharaohs - Alexander the Great - Roman Empire-Crusaders - Ottoman Empire- Britain - France - Israel -Syria
  
• Byblos is the oldest city in the world.
• Lebanon's name has been around for over 4000 years (It's the oldest name in the world)
• Lebanon is the only country in Asia/Africa that doesn't have a desert.
• There are 15 rivers in Lebanon; all of them flowing from its mountains.
• The first Alphabet was created by Cadmus in Byblos.
• Lebanon is the country with the most published books per capita.
• Jesus Christ made his first miracle in Lebanon.
• The Phoenicians created the first boat ever.
• Phoenicians reached the Americas long beforeColumbus.
• The 1st. law school in the world was built in Lebanon.
• 160,000 people died in the civil war and we can add much more.

It is still the most wonderful country to live in despite all the problems and troubles we are going through . Let us have some hope.

One of those

A homsi visited Beirut and booked a room in the hotel. The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room. Once the door is opened, the homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee: "Listen its true that I'm a stranger to this country but this doesn't mean that you fool me and laugh at me, I've paid over $100 for renting a nice room. This room is too small, has no window, no bathroom and it also contains no bed...!
The hotel employee politely said: "I'm sorry sir. This is not your room, This is the elevator..."

Shakira for President!

ZadigVoltaire of the Beirut Notes blog came up with an ingenious solution to the political statement facing the Lebanese government.

The Lebanese-Colombian singer Shakira has an IQ of 140, according to the New York “Village Voice”, making her, along with Madonna, the smartest woman in show business today.

Sexy, Brainy, talented and rich! Forget Aoun, (Nassib) Lahoud or Harb, we want President Shakira!

President Shakira will solve many issues:

* Every diplomat will surely visit her and spend more time with her than with the Speaker of the Parliament or the Prime Minister.

* Gulf Arabs will invest all their money in Lebanon just for a dance from the President.

* Bashar al-Assad will finally open up a Syrian Embassy in Lebanon, and make himself the ambassador.

* Hezbollah will drop their weapons after President Shakira threatens to visit Sayed Hassan Nasrallah at his headquarters in her stage clothes.

* The LBC weather person will stop greeting the viewers with "bonsoir", instead he would start by saying: "Que Passa, Hombres?"

Viva Shakira!

Source: Beirut Notes

Hey I just found out!!!

My cat is of the type Turkish Angora. Here is what my brother did to the cat.

Important !! Do the following

1. Go to www.google.com
2. type the word failure
3. Click on I am feeling lucky
4. Tell me what you get

A Joke

FLASH !!!!:
A big earthquake took place in Syria.... 1,000,000 persons have been killed... USA offered to send money, France offered to send food, Canada offered to send clothes, Lebanon offered to send 1,000,000 Syrians for replacement...!!!!