Driving Habits -

One hand on wheel, one hand out of window: Chicago.One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York.One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cell phone, one ear listening to loud music, foot on accelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversation with someone in next car: Welcome to Lebanon!

Some Lebanese are fake, that is how to be one of them ;-)

Must have a 2002 model car, not any car, but BMWs, Mercedes, Jags, Porsche... amongst others.
Go to the movies on Mondays or Wednesdays, we pay 5000 LP on those days, we economize 5000 LP ($3.5) that we add to the $150 to go to Alecco's or Mandaloun on weekends!
If you cannot make it to Paris, shopping in Kaslik or Verdun is a must, even if you go to Akil Bros.!!
Faraya or Fakra in Winter time and ATCL or Riviera in Summer time, you do not have to now how to ski you can always do the "bronzage" (Tan); swimming is out of the records too....who will look at you if you look like wet rat?? Finally, make sure you change 6 outfits and 5 bathing suits during the day.
A mobile is essential, having two cell lines will boost your moral too... preferably and in order to be more civilized and well rounded, buy a "Clic or Premiere" in order to be connected internationally!
Silicon your tits, lips and behind.... If you did not get a nose job yet?? Yiii....where the hell do you live? you're not civilized and up to fashion get out of here!
Forget about McDonald's now, the King of Burgers is in town!!! "Burger King"! Always follow the crowd, wherever they go you follow even if you have to stand in long lines.
Do not buy "Snob", "Mondanite", "Special", "Prestige" ..read them at the "Monot" or "Casper & Gambini"!The atmosphere there is very intellectual especially if you are wearing Armani, Prada, Escada or Faconnable...
You have to use only one word in Arabic in each sentence, just to make you feel safe that after all you are a Phoenician NOT an Arab!!!
Forget about the local TV networks. You have to have all the cable channels on your TV set, including EROS and Polsat...
Do not drink coffee or Nescafe at home (Very Boring)....go to "Cafe Najjar", "StarBucks" or any cafe... for your convenience, we have one at the end of each street, where you can enjoy being stared at and staring at other people.
Once in your life date at least a Russian,Ukrainian or a Romanian girl. You will find them in our "Little Russia" sector or Maameltein.
Be a SNOB, IGNORE PEOPLE, BE AGGRESSIVE......The more arrogant and snobbish the classier and better.
Last but not least, always judge people by how much money they have or more precisely, how much his/her family is worth

You have to be 100 % Lebanese to understand this story.

From some 2 months 3,I recognized a girl in the tooth of the elephant.
She was other look and like the moon! Burn her religion what beautiful. I tried to touch her pulse to see if there is space and it appeared that she is interested.
The first day I talked her on the phone and the second day she invited me on the lunch.
I asked her "what she kitchenized?",she said "some of his mother’s yoghurt on the walking". I liked her project and before I arrived to her ,I went to the Milker and bought some lady’s arms and some "eat and say thank you".
She opened me the door and when she saw the handsome in my hands she said "yiiiiiii! Your hands be safe, why torture yourself my uncle?.
While we are eating ,rang the doorbell. She opened the door and entered her old boyfriend. He asked her "who is he?", she said "not your entry".
I knew straight he wanted to problemize it.
He said "my eye on you and on him,I will count god not create you!" .
I said "look,my head does not carry me , break the evil before the gypsy milk goes up huh! Go page the sea and bleach from my face now!"
The man felt on his blood and left the room . in the truth ,he poisoned my body very much, but the girl gave breakfast to my nerves. She said "don’t carry worry, my life don’t carry worry, put your hands in cpld water".
I told her "like my foot,don’t get a mind,tell me,are you empty tonight?"she said "yes,I emptify myself for you?.
I told her "thank you my love, you are very digestable".

Just a Joke

On the sixth day, God turned to the Angels and said: "Today, I am going to create a land called Lebanon, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of snow, beautiful sparkling lakes cutting forests full of all kinds of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Lebanese, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on earth." "But Lord", asked the Angels, "don't you think you are being toogenerous to the Lebanese? "Not really", replied God, "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them!"